Thursday, June 14, 2007

Oh-MY-Blog!

Después de bastante tiempo en el exilio, retomo mis escritos con la gracia que espero me caracterice. Hace unos meses, dentro de los temas del Reader's Choice, propuse tratar sobre la existencia de los blogs del ciberespacio, cosa que me sonó muy divertida en el momento. Y bueno, creo que después de haber hecho un cuasi-minucioso análisis al respecto, investigando horas blog tras blog, me puedo dar el lujo de explicar como se dividen los blogs dentro de la compleja y desconocida web.
1. Políticos:
Estos se subdividen en dos: bodrios e interesantes. Yo, personalmente, no soy muy fan de la política, pero es un tema globalizado del cual de alguna manera u otra todos estamos relacionados, y por temas tanto sociales, culturales y serios, tenemos que prestarle atención. Pero bueno, la cuestión es que gente un tanto desubicada aprovecha para poner su propaganda comunista en este tipo de blogs y odian a cualquier gobierno que pueda asemejar a una ideología liberal capitalista. Dios, qué rollo me estoy mandando. En fin, siempre hay un par de opiniones interesantes, pero más que nada es gente que descubrió el modo de hacer de internet algo tedioso y aburridísimo (siendo éste uno de los pocos medios que se estaba salvando de convertirse en algo tela). Chequeen soyunbodrio.blogspot.com; ahí seguro hay algo.
2. Fanáticos:
Bueno, era obvio que tenían que apoderarse de esto también. Hay desde fanáticos religiosos que promueven el culto a Brashamandrah (don't ask), y los fanáticos de Star Wars que citan convenciones en sus blogs y les cuentan a sus amiguitos que ya salió la nueva edición limitada del poster de Han Solo. Hay incluso blogs de fans de artistas, cantantes, actores, etc. Lo que no entiendo es, ¿quién carajos puede gastar su tiempo escribiendo horas de horas sobre su devoción a otra persona? GET A FUCKING LIFE. Yo sé que suena cruel, pero hay que ser serios. Citaré un pequeño fragmento de uno de mis viajes por los blogs de los fanáticos (este era de unos fans de Star Trek -MORTAL, lo sé-):
"Sandro y yo volvimos de la Espatrek2006 en 'La Manga de Mar Menor', donde nos encontramos con Eu (era un Worf) después de mucho tiempo e hicimos multitud de amigos"
Oh MY God. No tengo NADA más que decir.
3. Depresivos:
Lógicamente, la gente depresiva es fan de contar sus desgracias. Me imagino que es una forma de desahogarse, pero para eso se inventó el Prozac. Y los psiquiatras. Y el Zoloft. Y el chocolate. En fin. Yo creo que dentro de todo, escribir las desgracias por las que viven sólo les hace revivirlas de nuevo, y peor aún, las dejan grabadas en un lugar que pueden leer una y otra vez y reafirmar lo patética que es su vida. Y además, ¿qué pretenden? Que la gente les responda diciendo: "pobreee, todo va a salir bien, ¡respira, amiga!" Gimme a break. Soluciona tus problemas y deja de llorar como un pobre huevón. Yo he tenido mil desgracias (algunas realmente terribles) y me levanto igual RAGIO y campante a enfrentarme al mundo. A NADIE le interesa leer desgracias en internet. A NADIE. Ejemplo nuevamente, acá lo tienen:
"El domingo casi arruino la fiesta de cumpleaños de mi tío, porque sentí tanto dolor que de repente no pude contener las lágrimas. Estaba lo suficientemente triste cómo para no pensar y no tener ganas más que de llorar."
Pffft. Cómprate un Kleenex.
4. Anoréxicas/Bulímicas:
Las he separado de las depresivas porque estas chicas han logrado crear un nicho dentro del mundo bloggero. Lo peor de todo es que éstas terminan siendo famosísimas y publicadas por Alfaguara. Dios mío. Tener desbalances alimenticios ya pasó de moda. Kate Moss está en otra etapa. Pero les encaaaaanta el show. ¿Pueden dejar de tipear e ir a comer un rato? Gracias. Ejemplifico nuevamente:
"Fui al baño, y...fue maravilloso... Tuve la gran desgracia de que no me costó absolutamente nada expulsar aquello que me engordaba. Así que cada vez que comía, el baño era mi refugio. Y lo que era mejor. La báscula cada vez marcaba menos peso."
Oh sí, eres única.
5. Filosóficos/Poéticos:
Ok. Lo admito. Hay gente que escribe cosas realmente bonitas en sus blogs y me hacen decir: "mierda, por qué este hombrecillo no publica estas huevadas?" PERO, la gran mayoría son una sarta de huachafos que decidieron razonar sobre lo que no tienen ni una pinche idea. Tratan de contar una anécdota, pero lo hacen del modo más rebuscado y florero posible para parecer inteligentes. Nos queda claro que.... no lo son. Ejemplos, ¿mis queridos? there you go:
"No importa no ven que estoy soñando, y si este mi sueño fuera realidad, aun más pediría, agregaría que cada uno de ustedes a este mi sueño se pudieran sumar ¡que de maravillas veríamos hacer! Y nos daríamos cuenta que el mundo ya no es, que la noche paso y que el movimiento ya ceso." (Nota de RUF: La mala redacción y ortografía es del autor orginal, OBVIO.)
ATROZ. ¿Qué clase de collage de cursilerías es ese? No entiendo por qué esta gente se esmera en parecer poética. Fuchi.
6. Divertidos:
Estos pueden ser de dos tipos: Gente que cuenta sus anécdotas divertidas y gente que escribe cosas divertidas. Claro que a veces fusionan los dos y es una buena mezcla (yours truly, por ejemplo hee hee. RAGIO por donde me miren). Analizan cosas con una visión sarcástica, positiva, burlona, etc. Creo que eso a veces hace falta. Precisamente por eso hago lo que hago. Si yo empezara a contar las cosas malas de mi vida, las desgracias que le han pasado a gente que conozco, si hablara de mis opiniones sobre el TLC, si contara lo fan que soy de Meryl Streep e hiciera un recuento comentado y analizado de su filmografía, terminaría tirándome del Puente Villena con Andrea Montenegro y Melcochita; claro que rompiendo previamente ese plexiglás enorme que le han puesto para evitar más muertes súbitas. Por ende, no hay razón de aburrir ni deprimir al lector. Yo he descubierto gente muy divertida que escribe cosas de lo más cómicas y que felicito y admiro ligeramente. Claro que hay algunos que no son divertidos, pero se nota que tratan. Esos tienen una estrellita por el esfuerzo.
7. Biográficos:
Gente que decide contar su vida. A veces es interesante, a veces divertida, a veces es un bodrio y te provoca preguntarle ¿quién demonios te dijo que eras interesante?, etc. Este es el tipo de blog más variado. Es camaleónico. Puede mutar con el tiempo. Por lo general empiezan neutrales, pero evolucionan cual teoría de Darwin, convitiéndonse en cualquiera de los otros tipos de blog anteriormente mencionados. Por ejemplo: "Hola mi nombre es Daniela y este es mi blog. No sé que poner pero ya les iré contando mi vida en cuanto avance esto jaja, chauuu"
Ahora bien, esto puede continuar de los siguientes modos:
1. "Creo que Bush es un hombre de ideas algo difusas. No está ayudando a su país a salir adeltante y está logrando un atraso en la mente de los americanos que sólo colabora con el proceso de dependencia que los hombres desarrollan hacia un gobierno que les brinda todo y no les dice nada" Ok. Es pava. Obviemos a Daniela.
2. "Hoy fue un día terrible. Volví a llorar en mi cuarto y mi mamá me girtaba. No se da cuenta por lo que estoy pasando. Escondí las cicatrices de mis brazos bajo la chompa y salí al jardín. No quería hablar con nadie" Dios. Consíguete un enamorado.
3. "Hoy sentí una pasión que coronó la locura voladora de mi ser, me hizo enterarme del brillo aturdido de mi ojos, ilusos pero contentos de vivir en la nada. Yo sé que poco a poco descubriré que las razones de una sonrisa se me revelarán cuando descubra los motivos de las lágrimas; mientras tanto, buscaré un sueño que me haga saber que estoy viva y que puedo escuchar el viento." AH?????? Daniela está en ácidos.
Esa es la idea. Sé que me entienden.
Ahora, ¿a alguien le provoca hacerse un blog? Seguro nunca me van a mandar el link. JA.

31 comments:

Anonymous said...

jaaaaaaa es cierto!! eres un exxxito raf

pcd said...

Es verdad. Odiamos a los blogs depresivos. Denles aguita de azahar y que se corten las venas con chomp de naranja.

mirandoelalma said...

disculpa has leido mi blog....al parecer te falto una categoría
;) y eso que en esta segunda etapa por que al otra desaparecio no estoy rimando nada :)

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In the United States, races can occur on flat surfaces of either dirt or grass, generally for thoroughbred racing. Other tracks offer quarter horse racing]] and harness racing. The best events in US horse racing have been Kentucky Derby, which, together with the Preakness Stakes and the Belmont Stakes, form the Triple Crown for three-year-olds. However, in recent years the Breeders' Cup races, held at the end of the year, have been challenging the Triple Crown events, held early in.


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Winning the Game

The moment you figured out you won, you must immediately yell BINGO, and it should be loud enough for the floor walker to hear. The pot money shall be given to the winner once their winning card is confirmed. Well, in winning or once you know you just won, the most important thing is that you shout the winning word BEFORE the time elapses. If the game proceeds and the next number is mentioned and you failed to shout "Bingo", your winning card is disqualified. Therefore, this is the rule you must know.

There may be cases when there are two winners, and in this case the pot money shall be divided equally among the winners. Supposing there are two winning cards, the two winners will share half the prize money.

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Bingo rules are basically the same no matter in which Online Bingo hall you play. But still it's good if you know these rules by heart. If it is your first try, then ask for handouts and inquire from pros regarding the game rules. Nonetheless, the ideal thing to do if you have questions is to ask the floor walker and not the person seated beside you. You should clarify things and doubts before the game starts because asking too many questions as the game proceeds could well distract you. This guideline also applies to those who are newcomers at casinos, those who play roulette for the first time.

Bingo halls demand an age limit of 18 years old. If you are below this age, you are prohibited to play. Some bingo houses ban alcohol inside, so players aren't supposed to take liquor nor drink it inside the venue. Smoking may also be restricted inside the venue, as there are designated smoking sections.

Take note that some Bingo houses don't allow food but some do, so it basically depends on the venue. Policies vary among different venues. For instance, some bingo halls allow reservation of cards, while others don't allow it. Some allow people to leave the venue in the middle of the game, others forbid it. But there are general policies observed in all bingo houses, such as disqualification of tampered bingo cards. There is no way you can get away with a tampered card because the walkers are adept at identifying authentic cards from tampered ones. You could be banned from a bingo establishment if proven liable of tampering a card. Hence, you should play honestly.

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